Advice and Tips for using Online Swinger Sites
One reason
for marital happiness among swingers: Swinging is an activity both
spouses do together -- a unique pattern compared with other types of
extramarital sex. Most people who continue to participate in swinging
believe that such co marital sex embellishes and enriches marriages in
all areas, especially in the erotic sector. While most swingers report
that it makes a good marriage better, swinging evidently cannot very
often save a poor marriage. Some swingers feel that a weak marriage
probably will not survive swinging and that perhaps in such cases
couples shouldn't swing. A very strong marriage will survive swinging --
but it a marriage is strong, why the need to swing? Hey, why not!
You get to wondering year after year
a little bit more about if you could possibly make it with another gal:
what would it be like; you want a little bit of variety; you don't love
your partner any less but you want something a little bit deterrent.
Just the newness of it, the experience with another person is very
electrifying. It charges you up. It gives you something that you just
can't get from someone that you know very, very well even though you may
love them dearly. You just can't it under those circumstances. With
swinging you have the opportunity to meet other people. You go with
someone and have a sexual experience with someone else and no one thinks
the less of you for it.
Some think "Oh, horror, that's
supposed to be terrible". Well it isn't terrible and if you're free
enough to allow your partner to have the same freedom, then this is
fine. It used to be taken for granted that the man could go out and get
himself a gal here and there and not too much flap came from this, but
if the woman did it -- 'Oh, " again, "that's terrible and horrible". I
can't accept that as being horrible and neither can my wife accept it as
being horrible. As far as we're concerned, it is a good way to charge
yourself up once in a while and get yourself an experience that you just
can't get any other way. Your experiences with someone else enhance your
own sexual experiences with your own partner. There are just some things
you can't do with your own, you have to get them from outside
sources.
Most swingers
believe: Swinging is not for all married couples. They do
believe that swinging is better than sneaking around corners and lying
to the partner about an outside relationship. Most agree with the
statement "I think if two people agree on sex other than with their
partners, then swinging perhaps is for them". To most swingers sex is a
recreation which also satisfies a bodily hunger. Why do female swingers
get involved?
As far as being asked why have you
married if you're going to get into swinging. I have a lot more
emotional aspects of life other than just sex. Sex is just one part of
it. I have many years invested in building a complete and total
relationship with my husband. Sex, like I say, is just one facet of it
and it's been exclusive where as all my other relationships with people
have not been exclusive. I'm able to talk to people. I'm able to dance
with people, with all these things then why can't I have sex with them ?
It doesn't have anything to do with the exclusive relationship I have
with my partner, who happens to be my husband. This is my choice and
it's the total, exclusive relationship that I want to keep and want to
have and I don't want to get rid of; yet. I do have needs to have sexual
fulfillment that I can't get from just one type of person. One person
can't satisfy all my needs, and I can't satisfy all of anybody else's
needs. As far as I can see, that's impossible.
Swingers systematically report that
they find it very difficult to go to what they call "straight" parties
where they end up playing the couples' game, flirtation games, and other
kinds of games. Most of them believe that at swinging parties one does
not have to play games, put up the couple front or flirt, one is able to
get down to the basics of life and have sex with one another it it is
mutually desirable.
Reasons for
Swinging and finding swing partners? It is generally felt that you
can divide swingers into those who participate for recreational and
those who participate for utopian reasons. Recreational swingers see
swinging as a social activity much like bowling, playing tennis and
cards. Utopian swingers have a general philosophy of communitarians and
wish to share not only sex but all other aspects of life with their
fellow participants.
At this time there are relatively few
scientific data that indicated what long-term effect swinging actually
has on marriages. Nevertheless there is a general belief among swingers
that swinging has a positive effect upon a marriage. They believe that
sexual fidelity is harmful and breeds jealousy and a feeling of
ownership between a husband and wife. According to them swinging does
away with jealousy and helps each mate see the other as an individual
and not as a possession. Another reason for participating in swinging is
boredom with marital sex. Swingers feel that it is impossible for one
person to satisfy another sexually over an extended period of time.
Swinging is seen as a method of adding new excitement to the marriage,
perhaps even salvaging it. Most swingers know couples who have tried to
salvage a bad marriage by swinging, but they ague that this generally
has not been very successful. Most swingers believe that swinging alone
cannot save a bad marriage. They do believe that it can strengthen a
good marriage.
There may be deeper psychological
reasons for swinging. It is believed that men may need to translate
early sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be fulfilling
social-romantic needs. Some believe that because of the marginality of
the new middle class, they seek experiences with others in order to feel
they belong. They participate in swinging to develop social ties and to
satisfy the need for sexual fulfillment that is a result of their
restrictive middle-class backgrounds. Swinging gives them an opportunity
to do both without disrupting their general lifestyle.
All reasons, whether social,
psychological, or sociological, are at the present time only
speculation. One could easily conclude that the reasons for
participating in swinging are as varied as swingers themselves.
Jealousy In
Swinging Generally, swingers do not show jealousy on the surface.
Most swingers argue that this is because by going to parties together
and leaving together, they realize their commitment to each other as a
couple. Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner has
gone into another room to have sexual relations with another individual.
One such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have experiences
with other people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want
to be together" They feel that this gives you a feeling of security that
you never had before because you feel and know that the partner is
coming back to you even though they have had a sexual relationship with
someone else. They feel that this builds up self confidence and
security.
For a couple to engage in swinging,
they must throw off the belief that having sexual relations outside of
marriage is improper, they must break the shackles of the double
standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with other
males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the
marriage with another partner previously.
I always felt perhaps I didn't have a normal
response, because I was never jealous .To me, it was always a compliment
when my husband would have a good relationship with someone. Gee, he's
my partner. Its sort of a reflection of me, and the reason I feel this
way is because I remember my first party where it was kind of late at
night and I was sitting by the fireplace waiting for my husband and he
appeared with this attractive woman and she came up to me and gave me a
big hug and kiss and said "I'm so glad you came tonight. You have such a
terrific husband " It made me feel, not jealous, but warm and good and
great. And she's been our friend and I'm grateful to her because I've
never been jealous. Quite the opposite. That's what it's all about.
Sharing a good thing.
Swinging for most women changes their view of the world and sexual
relations. Many argue that it has made a complete turn-around in their
life from the way they viewed the world two or three years before
swinging. In attempting to determine what causes some women to go into
swinging, I have already noted that many are urged by their husbands and
others go into swinging to carry out their fantasies. One such woman I
interviewed reported that she finally acquiesced in going to a swinging
party saying that she would not participate but would be willing to go
and observe, have dinner and a drink or two. She said:
"Well, I had just enough to drink
and I saw a man that I liked. I tried him and I liked him, I'm not
kidding you. My whole outlook on life has changed -- it's been a
scream. We have talked more, in fact, I think he wants to gag me now,
and it's just beautiful. I cannot believe our life since I started
participating in swinging. When we first got married he was not
particularly interested in sexual relations, but now he won't leave me
alone. For anyone in trouble, you should try it. He's 33 and I'm 22,
and I don't know, but my sexual appetite is different from his. I
mean, I guess I'm sowing my wild oats or whatever, while he just wants
it once a week or sometimes twice. I was, like, climbing up the wall
with sexual frustration -- or putting it more bluntly, I was not
getting enough, and it was driving me up the wall. Since participating
in swinging, as I said, all he wants to do is talk and have sexual
relations with me all the time."
Swingers generally believe: There is a swinging
couple on every block and from this they argue that swingers are not
"a bunch of freaked-out people". One woman I interviewed reported that
her first evening began when her husband came home and told her they
were going to a swinging party. He had seen an ad in the paper, called
them up, and the swing club had said to come over for an
interview.
So then he said , Okay we have an
interview, we have to go right now, get your clothes on". So I
thought, wait a minute, we're going to go. So I put my clothes on. I
'm going to play along with this game and here we go. We 're just
going for an interview, right! Well, the interview was at 8:00 and the
party was at 9:00. So here we were and the next thing I know there
were all these people taking their clothes off, and I thought, my God,
help me. Tom's really having a ball, that's really what he was doing,
and I'm sitting here on the couch having all these mixed emotions. I'm
watching these people, and it's not like any other party that I ever
been to, not only in the fact that they are taking their clothes off,
but they seem to be actually honest and good people, no phoney facade.
In fact, I went to the bathroom and this other lady went with me and
she asked me it I was having fun, I said, "Not really." She said,
"Well, why aren't you balling? Haven't you seen anything you want?" I
said. "No, not really". "Well," she said, "listen, you're missing the
best thing in my husband, try him". Well I had just enough to drink
and I tried him and I liked him.
Advantages Sexual variety, sexual
fulfillment, and the potential of carrying out of one's fantasies are
among the advantages of swinging. Sexual excitation increases for both
partners as a result of the new types of sexual experiences and there
are discussions of actual sexual experiences. Women receive a great
deal of positive reinforcement, they may begin seeing themselves as
more desirable. "Women informally report that they have been able to
shed sexual inhibitions that they were raised with". According to many
swingers, you have more of a feeling of your own "personhood", you
think of yourself as a person and not a thing. As I read in an
interview.
Home | Sexy Adult Personals | 50 + Top Dating
Sites | Single Seniors Only | International Women | Gay Alternatives | Totally Free Network
